I Listened To 'Man Of The Woods' So You Don't Have To

Another record review that no one asked for.

Long before The Neptunes relationship turned sour (they are in a legal dispute over the name) and an even longer time before Beyonce reclaimed country music, Justin Timberlake reclaimed his whiteness.

In 2018 Justin Timberlake got married and went into the woods with his wife and their newborn child. In a Pre-Post Malone move he switched his R&B aesthetic for a more country inspired sound. After all he is from Tennessee so country music is his birthright, right? lol

I was not interested in hearing this album when it came out but after a writing and shelving a review on his latest album I remembered that this album existed.

It’s largely produced by the Neptunes which is fun for me because his latest album is largely devoid of them. There are also a few Timbaland moments on here as well. I guess he tried to channel Justifed but in the woods. Sounds ‘interesting’ if you ask me.

This also came on the heels of No One Ever Really Dies which was just a confusing album for me. I tried to return to it several times and it just never really hit for me. I’m listening to it as I type the song predictions to get a flavor for what era of the Neptunes sound this was and it was peak weirdo. I am hoping this weirdness carries the album and makes it interesting.

Here is a trailer for the album narrated by Justin himself.

If I recall correctly absolutely NO ONE liked this album.

The title and artwork kinda made the jokes write themselves. Justin absolutely has a classic under his belt with Justified but his return to his roots after getting popping off of Black music was very off-puting to say the least. But thanks to Beyonce we all know that country music is Black music too!

With 16 tracks it clocks in at an hour and 16 minutes long. I am simultaneously curious and dreadful of sitting through this. How can something with this much Neptunes production on it be so heavily panned? Let’s find out…

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Filthy

Prediction: Doesn’t he already have a song called Filthy? Or maybe I’m thinking about Christina Aguilera’s song Dirty. (I always have to Google her name to spell it) Or maybe I’m thinking of Bubba Sparx’s Ugly. Dunno but I feel like he has another one word titled song with the same vibe name wise.

This is gonna be about the woods and how you get dirty when you are out there. The woods will be a metaphor for his mind cus I don’t think he’ll start the album off horny.

Post-Listen: I have heard this before and I kinda like it and it’s him starting the album off horny. I guess he just out in the woods fucking. It’s got a classic Timbaland beat switch up on it too.

Midnight Summer Jam

Prediction: This song was a single and I remember it. I also kinda remember liking it. It had campfire sing-a-long vibes. I feel like I had it in my Serato but never played it cus nobody wanted to hear it.

Post-Listen: there is a harmonica section on the song? Okay Outkast. The song kinda comes alive on the outro too. Not mad at this at all. Wait the very end of the outro kinda feels like Zapp & Roger which makes me wonder if the harmonica was a homage to him? Probably not

Sauce

Prediction: Ella Mae had a song named Sauce too. It was is such a jam. Where has she been? I am way too distracted to be doing this right now. I’ll try to remember to check later. BIG SHOCKER: I just did a light google search and discovered that her Sauce was released in 2018 too. I think her sauce won the battle for SEO supremacy cus I’ve never heard a person mention this song ever.

This song is gonna be mid-tempo and mid in general. He gonna be saying he got the sauce. Bonus points if he says he got the juice or other saucy synonyms

Post-Listen: The song starts off with that viral clip of the man explaining Juice v Sauce so I kinda nailed that. I was not expecting to hear the Slave Weak At The Knees drums but I don’t hate the song. Is he three for three right now.

Man of the Woods

Prediction: I think I have heard this before but I’m not sure. It’s the title track so it’s gonna be cinematic. Like cry me a river but this time about a stream flowing through the woods

Post-Listen: Do not like. It’s sparse in a bad way. I was right about it feeling like a stream compared to cry me a river tho. Not even the bridge can save this one.

Oh there was also a video for this one.

Higher Higher

Prediction: Black. Gospel. Choir. I think slow and simmering type vibes. He gonna be talking about how his lady’s love takes him closer to God or feels like God. God gonna be in there tho. If you go to the wilderness you gotta find God.

Post-Listen: Okay based on how it opens there is still a chance for this to go gospel. It feels like it can open up to a choir at some point. I feel like this era Neptunes and this Tennessee theme aren’t really meshing well cus as much as they can do no wrong in my eyes at the moment they are not doing any right by my ears.

There is a sorta choir that happens after we cross a very ‘meh’ bridge. It’s a strong bridge for this song but a meh bridge by bridge standards. It’s a choir full of just Justins but that still kinda counts as a choir.

Wave

Prediction: This one has me hopeful. It’s pretty vague so I am thinking it’s gonna be slow and simmering with some weird Neptunes vibes. I feel like it’s gonna be cryptic lyrically as well.

Post-Listen: I am genuinely confused about how I feel right now. This song seems like it should be half the speed. I want it to be a ballad. I want keys instead of guitar licks. I like the chord progressions tho. The beat is just kinda sitting there. It’s got those weird staccato plucks that the Neptunes were big on around this time (they are on the song Lemon too)

I don’t hate this but I don’t like it. There is a drum fill that feels like Stevie’s Uptight that starts it off and you think it’s gonna kick your teeth in with some bust ya shit open beats and it doesn’t. It just sounds like Lost Without U flipped to 45 so you can dance to it.

I have no idea what this song is about btw.

Supplies

Prediction: Maybe it will be about the things you gotta take into the woods with you when you go camping?

Sample lyric: ‘Wrap me like a sleeping bag/keep me warm at night/i’ll be okay/your love is my supplies’

Yeah that feels right. It’s not gonna be slow though.

Sidebar: are people still wearing those Bass Pro Shop hats?

Post-Listen: Oh I absolutely do not like this song. It’s like truck trap or whatever that shit is. He is talking about how he will be your ‘supplies’ and there’s some goofy ass walking dead lyric in it to boot. There are also those Migos/Gucci Mane styled adlibs floating around in the background Yeah, nah this is not going like he thought it would.

The bridge is cool tho. The lesson here is that even when bridges are bad they are good.

Morning Light (feat Alicia Keys)

Prediction: Chris Stapleton in the credits got me feeling like this is about to be a honky tonk good time and I already hate the idea of it. This is gonna be one of the more ‘country’ moment’s of the album

Post-Listen: Not gonna lie this is kinda cool. It has Neptunes vibes but it’s not a Neptunes production and that make me sad because I really wanted them to make this album good. I was wrong about this being the more country moment too btw lol

Man this thing is only halfway done?! Sigh….

Say Something (feat Chris Stapleton)

Prediction: Timbaland already produced a song called Say Something that featured Drake so I’m hoping this is a more cornfed countrified version of that. Maybe Chis Stapleton will do some rapping? I don’t know much about Chris Stapleton but I do know that this will not happen.

It’s gonna be a ballad about speaking your mind in a relationship.

Post-Listen: This one actually feels more country than the last one. I don’t like this song. It feels like 2010 or something. Oh wait, i have heard this before. I think my mind just blocked the memory. How to you re-repress a memory?

Hers (Interlude)

Prediction: This is going to be acapella maybe with some campfire crackling sounds underneath it.

Post-Listen: His wife(?) is basically talking about how wearing his shirt feels like wearing his skin over hers. This shit is unhinged and now I am kinda scared for him. Is he okay? She said the shirt’s holes and tears feel like their history and the shirt feels like a secret. I don’t know man. Sounds like she might have put them paws on him.

Flannel

Prediction: This song is about how he makes you sweat like flannel. Sex gets hot like flannel. Wear you out like flannel. Break you in like flannel. One or all of those things. It’s gonna be uptempo tho.

Post-Listen: I can’t believe that I’m saying this but the Neptunes 808s are actually in the way. This is a solid country song without the drums and by that I mean a song that I would dislike normal amounts instead of wishing I could use stem separation technology on Spotify to take the drums out of this man’s song.

This song is not about fucking. It is about shirts tho. The shirt poem was about this song.

Oh wait. I forgot to mention that there was some kinda interlude voiced by a woman at the beginning of the record that was guiding Justin back to the woods and that lady is back again telling him that the woods are in his skin or something. It doesn’t feel racist but definitely feels manifest destiny.

Not flannel but still fashion

Montana

Prediction: When I saw this song title I thought “Joe Montana? Nah. Tony Montana? Future already did that.” And I then I wondered about racial diversity in Montana and spoiler alert: there isn’t much of it there. So maybe this song is about Western Expansion and ‘homesteading’ or the Indian Nations of Montana.

Whatever it is I just hope it’s not as boring as the title is and I bet it’s slow.

Post-Listen: How is THIS the jam!? What is happening here? The name of this song won’t let me fully commit to liking it but after the last three songs it feels like sustenance. It’s one of them groovy ass disco funk joints that the Neptunes are good for every now and then.

Why would they name this Montana? I need answers. Did they fall in love in Montana?

Breeze Off the Pond

Prediction: This song is gonna be fun. It’s gotta be fun after naming a song Montana. My imagination hates the song Montana so much that this song is going to have to do the work of getting us back on track.

Sample Lyric: You as cool as a breeze off the pond

Prediction: This is ‘okay’. It’s not bad. It sounds like what should happen after Montana. I am still confused as to how that is the jam but whatever. There is a bridge that does the basic job of a bridge which is carry us through. It’s not a special fancy bridge, more like a foot bridge.

This album gotta end.

Livin Off the Land

Prediction: Man they are leaning so far into the concept of this album. Is this like Justin’s version of Livin On A Prayer? If it interpolates that song I will win this album review. It’s gonna be about how all he needs is his lady and her love. It will sound insprational and airy.

Post-Listen: My guy on his boy scouts shit right now with the tips about being alone in the woods. This song is weird. The Neptunes were the wrong people for this job. I don’t know who would have done better because they are usually the solution but this is bad.

Like there is the Nola bounce drum roll in the background for no reason and some EDM type stabs and weird vocal stabs floating around and those 808s too. It is a mess.

The Hard Stuff

Prediction: Is this song a letter from the past that he wrote to himself about his future DWI? Probably not. The title feels like it will be about getting past the hard stuff in relationships or how the hard stuff in a relationship will make you want to turn to the hard stuff like drugs and alcohol but you gotta work through it. It will absolutely not be about how alcoholism has impacted the indigenous population

Post-Listen: I am pretty sure this is produced the same guy who did the Morning Light Song and I’m just gonna go out on a limb and say he shoulda did the whole album. This song sounds more like something I’d expect to be on this album.

And yeah it’s about the hardships of a relationship and not drunk driving through the Hamptons

Young Man

Prediction: This song is gonna be a letter to his son. I love you, I want the best for you, life ain’t easy; blah blah blah. I don’t think I’m gonna like it. We’ll see.

Post-Listen: NAILED IT. lol. It’s about his son and it’s a kinda sorta jam after sitting through the album. I kinda wish it he woulda been a cautionary tale about ramen curls, cornrows and other bad hairstyles but you can’t have everything I guess.

CONCLUSION

Maybe you gotta let these Neptunes songs sit for a while to make sense but I feel like Rob Knox and Timbaland shoulda just did the whole album. They had the only moments that I really liked. As much as I love the Neptunes they were out of place.

Ironically enough the No One Ever Really Dies aged very well and I enjoyed the shit out of listening to it again for the first time in a long time.

Overall this album feels more like glamping instead of camping. It can’t start a campfire. It can not fish. This album wouldn’t survive a night in the woods alone.